Complicated

I almost died again today
Most important word there is "again"
Why is it always me?
Why can't one of those perfect,
Beautiful people have these problems?
And even though some part of me knows,
That they have issues too,
I'm still jealous.
And I'm still alone.
And I know everyone says that
At one point or another
And I know I'm lucky
I have a family.
Not a healthy happy one but still
I can't really even blame her for this
Even though I want to
Because really, the arguing
And the anger and fear
Isn't all her fault
Her recent tragedies have definitely contributed
But they didn't cause this
She can't help herself
Not when she swings so much
She can't control shit in her own life now
And I pity her
And I feel bad about pitying her

God, why the fuck is life so complicated?