Ruined World

What do you do,
When the world stops believin in you?
What do you do,
When living isn't enough?
What do you do,
When you are too sad to blink,
When you are scared the world will crumble and fall,
And you will miss because you blinked.
What do you do,
When no one trusts you,
And you trust no one?
What do you do,
When your life is in ruins,
And no one is listening?

My Other Blog

http://daydreamingatnight4444.blogspot.com/

Silly Girl

Silly girl,
Your ass belongs in the toilet,
Not your head.
You don't see yourself clearly
I used to think you were so beautiful
I was jealous
Then you starting looking like a skeleton
And I became disgusted
People notice.
You wonder why guys dont flirt with you,
It's because you look so thin
I wish you could see it the way I do,
You silly girl

Burning Match

Like a burning match,
Everything dies out,
When it reaches your fingers,
It burns

When it just starts out,
It's exciting and new
Until it hurts you

Emotion Martini

Nothing describes the way I'm feeling.
I've tried them all.
Empty.
Helpless.
Immature.
Useless.
Depressed.
Suicidal.
Unwanted.
Unloved.
Confused.
Lost.
Angry.
Hormonal.
Sad.
Anxious.
Ugly.
Not a single one can describe my feelings.
Mix them all up,
Make an emotion martini.
Shake it up
Throw in an olive
Add some random confidence.
Is it normal?
I can't feel this many things.
I feel sick.
I feel like exploding.
I feel like dying.
I feel like running.
What if I ran?
How far could I get?
Where would I go?
Would I be happier there?
Probably.
Is this depressing?
Yes.
Is this helping me?
Sort of.
Is this confusing me?
A little.
Is this some what pointless?
Of course.

Plunge Into Life

Life as we know it is over
But the way to the end is unclear
Take a plunge into the bliss of life,
Let it grab you and hold you tight
We don't have very long here,
So take advantage of me, dear.
I don't want to wait,
For life to stop for me
So let's run for it,
And go back to the start line,
Before it gets us
I refuse to be caught,
I won't go without a fight,
Let's run for it and plunge into life.

Stripping

I'm stripping down,
Completely unleashing,
This is me,
This is where you can hear me,
Feel me,
Taste me.
You won't get this real me anywhere else.
I don't let you see the real me,
Unless I've given you the key,
In order to find me.
If you are one of the lucky few,
Who have been here,
And seen my fears,
Envies,
Loves,
Joys,
Losses,
And anger
Don't tell anyone,
Because this is where I'm stripped bare,
And I can't afford to lose this place,
I'll go out of my mind
If I haven't already

If You Won't.....

If you won't love me,
If you won't open up to me,
If you won't let me open up to you,
If you won't hold me until the dark things go away,
If you won't wait,
If you won't accept I want conversation too,
If you won't be yourself with me,
Then you might just want to give up now.

Fear

I fear the things I love
I fear them because they can hurt me
Anything can hurt me physically
But only the things I love
Can tear me down.

Handing Over My Heart

I need to stop,
Handing my heart
To everyone I meet,
They can hurt me
They can break me
Or they could love me
But they never do
So why haven't I learned yet,
Not to hand my heart to just anybody.
You can read this,
But please,
Don't use my feelings and thoughts,
To hurt me like they did.

Can You Remember the Old Me Instead?

I have no way to express myself right now.
I can't write.
I can't even finish whatever the hell I was starting to say.
What is wrong with me?
This is what I'm good at
Why can't I do the one thing I'm good at?
What the hell did this weekend do to me?
I'm a bitch.
I'm a rebel.
I shouldn't be.
I'm driving everyone away.
Best friend, if you read this,
I'm sorry.
We just fought and I was being a bitch.
It was my fault.
I don't want to lose you too.
Anyone else reading this,
Pretend you didn't
You don't know the real me.
You shouldn't know the real me.

Six Feet Under

In a sea of black,
Grey stands out
Matching sweats
Not a tear
Not a whimper
Not from him
As the man who taught him everything
Was lowered into the ground
He didn't shed a single tear
His lip never trembled
And his voice never cracked
At only ten years old
He was the strongest man in the world

He still returns
Now many years later
To talk to his dad,
Six feet under

I Want You

If you knew I had this,
Would you love me?
If you knew that I want you,
Would you want me too?
If you knew about him,
Would you lose interest?
Did you know that I think
That I like you?
I hope you figure it out soon
Because I'm not good at waiting
At all

I want you.
I want to try you
I want to taste you
I want to see what you are like
I want to see how good you are

I want you

The E-mail

Who knew that one little e-mail,
A few words,
Could repair so much?
Who knew an e-mail could re-connect,
A torn family?
By taking a step,
A step they told me not to take,
I found him.
I found my cousin.
And uncle
And aunt
And soon-to-be cousin in-law
I am relieved.
And scared.
Who knows what will happen a year from now
But who cares?
For now, we are on the way
To repairing all the wrongs

Not Happy, Comfortable

A world of white
So good,
So soft,
So warm,
So enticing
Not happy here
Not happy anywhere
But comfortable
Yes, very comfortable

Encasing,
Smothering,
Controlling,
Resticting,
Hot,
Itchy
Not happy here
And not comfortable
R.U.N.

Unhappy,
Sad,
Depressed,
Confused,
Befuddled,
Heartbroken,
Deperate,
Lonely

Not happy here
But comfortable

Nothing to Lose, Everything to Give

I lie in a world,
Filled with comfort
But comfort and hapiness
Are not the same
Someone in the middle of
A torn country
With nothing but a mat
To sleep on
May be happier than me
Of course, it doesn't take much
To smile more genuinely than me
I'm not happy
I've never been truly happy
Except for that one week
When I had him.
Now I have nothing.
Bothing satisfies me the way it should
I should be happy
But I just can't be
I don't know why not
I've tried
But I can't seem to smile
Like that one person with nothing to lose
And everything to give

Dirty Little Secret

I have so many skeletons,
Stuffed in the closet
No one knows half the secrets I have
And they aren't even all about me
Point is, I know way to much
I don't want to know so much
But I do
I'm not sure I like knowing
Those little things
That people don't share
Only because then I have to help keep
Them secrets
God know I'm good at that though
So come on over, I won't tell a soul,
And tell me all of your
Dirty little secrets

Angry

Today, I feel angry
I'm angry because he doesn't love me,
I'm angry because I didn't get a job,
I'm angry because it's too damn hot,
I'm angry because the only person I love,
Is the one person I can't have
I'm angry because my grades suck
I'm angry because I can't love him
I'm angry because the guy I could learn to love,
Brought the guy I can't love up today,
And I'm angry that things never go as planned
So I drank.
I'm angry about that too
I'm not supposed to do that,
I promised myself not to.
I know what happens to girls in my family,
When we start to rely on drinking.
I'm angry because I know I'll end up
Like all the others.
I don't want to be like them.