Another Minute

Since I told all you non-existent followers that I would tell you about my sister, I'm going to keep my promise.

My sister is 18 years old as of June 8th and she is one of those rare cases of level one bipolar. All of her mental health problems started when she was just starting high school and they showed themselves as bulimia which we later figured out is the least of her problems. More recently, this winter, she was admitted into BHC Alhambra, a mental hospital. The hospitalization was for her bulimia and while there, they tried out numerous meds and doctors. Nothing worked for either problem. In order to attend this hospital, she was forced to miss a lot of school. four weeks of it. And despite promises that her spot on the enrollment list as a second semester senior would still be there when she returned, she was kicked out of school upon arrival. Granted, she was kicked out because she threatened to harm herself. So when she got back home that day, she was so deep down into the depression and hadn't had a party with the mania recently that she really did try to hurt herself. Did any of you see or read Shutter Island? Well, what Teddy's wife had is what my sister has. It's also called manic depression. If any of you non-existent people are fourteen year olds with older siblings then you understand how I feel when I say, they are your role models. You look up to them in times of need and you expect them to always have unconditional love for you.

My sister doesn't.

Not all the time anyway. I need to always be ready for a swing in another direction with her.

It's especially hard because I'm so moody as well being a teenage girl and all. They put her on Lithium for a while but she didn't like it because it causes weight gain so she took herself off of it. Recently, they put her on some new drug I don't know the name of and she just took herself off of that too just two days ago. Her reasoning? Bad dreams. She just doesn't seem to understand that every night I get the worst, most vivid dreams of all the ways she could kill herself or hurt other people. Every minute she isn't on medication is another minute of pain, hurt, and fear.

Every minute is what counts.