Cancer

Cancer;
Such a menacing word.
A word that possibly describes me?
What will I do,
If it comes back a yes?
What will I do?
Even if it's minor,
I'm still terrified.
I'm the kind of lucky,
Where that 10% means the world

I'm scared.

Strip Me Down

Strip me down,
Rip off my hide,
Leave me out to tan,
In the ink blotted sun,
Hanging bare,
Wet and new,
Alone

Take away all the comforts,
Of an effortless reality,
And see what is left,
Of the one you used to love
Because I am not her,
She is not me
We are separate

Taken out of this big
Empty world,
Like a newborn child,
Breathing its life in,
You are sucking it out
All the air on this planet,
Gone

Hapiness in a Letter

Happiness doesn't rely on a letter,
Some silly ink dot,
On a stained white paper,
Crisp and clean and out to ruin your life.
Such trivial things like going out can rely on it,
But you cannot place a limit on how much happiness you are allowed
They take away everything,
And for what?
Because I'm fucking my life up.
What do they care?
Its not like they want me here,
She just went far enough to tell me to move out

Happiness is something we all deserve,
Sinners or choir boys,
Lovers or war mongers,
We all deserve that joy,
Of having something to turn to,
Even when the path is as dark as this.
If anything, happiness should be awarded for lower letters,
Because its difficult to keep faith in hope,
When most that is good starts to leave.

When I Miss You

We say back and forth,
Repetitions of I miss you,
I love you,
I can't live without you by my side
But I don't believe you
If you missed me,
You would have come back,
After that awful night,
Which started with me crying on the floor,
And ended with me crying in bed, naked,
Huddling into the sheets,
Hoping if I press hard enough,
Maybe I'll dissipate
I know that scared you
Even though you held me,
And wiped away my tears with gentle kisses,
You were worried,
That in my attempt to hide from the world,
You would be pushed away too
And so you've been avoiding me,
You still text and make kissy faces,
But you never come over anymore,
Or watch a movie with me
All you do is hide,
Behind those beautiful 'Miss You's

Endlessly Sick of it All

Endless rushes of rivers,
Streaming by, never stopping,
Endless, endless, the torture goes on,
The same room,
The same people,
The same putrid smell,
The same constant beep,
The same continuous drip,
The same excuses
It never breaks from this routine,
Maybe we are lucky enough to get a break,
For longer than two months next time,
Before she back,
Lying in that stupid,
Goddamned,
Fucking,
Hospital bed.

Teardrops on the Floor

Secrets are spilling out,
And before I can help it,
I'm being honest

You make me see,
The evil in my ways,
And feel the pain

I've been keeping it down for so long,
That I'm immune to hurt,
But your making me feel again

Sometimes, like tonight, the feel is not good,
But in the end,
You have helped me

And though there may be teardrops on my floor,
And mascara on my face,
You have helped to catch me, before I fall

Somebody Save Me

Somebody, save me from the horrors of my own life,
Keep me floating even when I'm weighed down,
Keep me breathing even when I don't want to
Keep me sane when I'm loosing my mind

I need someone to keep me grounded on those days,
When all I can do is fly away,
Out of my body and mind,
Out of this world until I dissapear

Spinning, spinning out of control,
Slowly wasting away my mind,
All the pictures flashing by,
Images of all my past blunders

I can't get away from this walking nightmare,
All the mistakes I have made,
Laid out for the world to see and read,
While I sit by the bed and pray for somebody to save me